What are you feeling right now?
If you can’t answer that question, you might be starting off all your best efforts at conflict management in an unrecognized deficit.
Yes, it would be wonderful if we could truly obtain an unbiased, objective perspective on the challenges before us. If we aren’t in the middle of the conflict, we may reason, we have the necessary objectivity automatically.
But is this really true?
Try this:
Name one physical sensation you are feeling right now in your body. (For example: “I feel sweaty.” “I’m cold.” “My heart is racing.” “I have an itch on my nose.”)
Identify at least one word that describes your current mood. (If you don’t have a vocabulary for emotions, break it down to “The 4 Corners of Feelings”—mad, glad, sad or scared.)
Put at least one of your present thoughts into sentence form. (For instance: “I wish I knew more about this topic.” Or: “What will I make for dinner tonight?”)
This BMT Index™ is a quick self-awareness tool for understanding ourselves & our perspectives, moment to moment. When I enter a room with the intention of conflict mediation, I can ask myself through these 3 questions to understand just what I’m bringing to the conversation—before I ever open the door.
A sample BMT Index™ at such times may go something like, “Right now, I’m feeling a little tingling in my hands, the sensation I always get when I’m nervous or even low-key panicked, which is my mood at the moment. I hope I can help to resolve the conflict I’m about to mediate.”
Knowing this info, we can use our favorite tool to ground ourselves in confidence; release our own worries to bring a full sense of curiosity to the coming convo; or just take a second to breathe deeply & help resource our brain’s decision-making skills.
Speak your truth,
Have questions? Let’s talk! Book a virtual coffee with Coach Kiki to speak your truth … with confidence! After all, when you are confident, focused & authentic with your message, you are a magnet to what (& who) you wish to attract. (That’s my coaching philosophy.)
You can also join the community of Confident Communicators on Skool: It’s our free club for professionals who are learning to up-skill their speaking games.